Pants 0. Shit 1.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
