..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
