This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
