Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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