Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
