you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
