I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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