It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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