The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
