His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
