i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
