I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That accounts for only three of the penises
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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