spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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