If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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