so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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