You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
