It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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