How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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