I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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