Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
