I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
