Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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