too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
