im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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