i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
