Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
