how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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