I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
