If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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