So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
