I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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