On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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