She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
