wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
