I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
