I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
