He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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