I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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