hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
