Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
