i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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