Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
