Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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