I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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