The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
