she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
