i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So much Jack, so little girl.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
