totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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