Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
