How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
