This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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