So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We don't watch enough power rangers
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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