U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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