i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
