i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
