I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
