K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
