You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
