I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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