I cannot find my penis.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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