I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
