Already got asked if we're dating
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
