I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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