all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
