i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
