did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Randomize
