How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
