Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
