I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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