The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
