I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
