then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
