that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
