bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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