She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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